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Why Do I Feel Unlovable?

Often when people feel
unlovable, it is tied into one of the following reasons:

1. As a child, a parent or authority figure either told you – or sent out the message that – you were unloveable. Because of that, you came to believe that your core self was deficient, unacceptable or inadequate. Now you find it hard to believe that anyone could ever love you as you, just for being you.

2. You experienced rejection, desertion or abandonment in one of your closest relationships. Now love feels scary, and is a source of anxiety and fear – rather than healing and security.

3. You feel regret for something you did, or the way you treated a person you loved. Hence, you don’t believe you deserved to be loved, or you fear you will make a mistake again.

4. You have developed a series of flawed beliefs that have coloured your expectations for love. For example, you may have concluded that love leads to pain …. or that no-one can be trusted … or love always ends.

5. A voice in your head says you cannot change so you don’t believe that “you have what it takes”. But none of us is perfect; we’re all on a journey; and if we choose to take a risk then we’ll find that we can change.